I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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