hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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