I'm going to jail i love you
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
