just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My life is pants optional.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
