her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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