and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize