her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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