Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
