You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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