but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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