I wanna bring you to show and tell
can u get pink eye on your cock?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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