we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
