That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize