I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
