I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
