she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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