i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
