one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
