TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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