ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
