my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
