i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
