After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize