I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
