id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
