you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
