Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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