I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
