living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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