There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
