fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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