I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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