i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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