So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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