If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
