so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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