Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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