i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
