Midget sex pt 2 tonight
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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