If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
