OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
