that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
