What did we do last night that was yellow?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
