Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
