You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
