Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize