i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
