): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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