So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
