I feel like abortions should bother me more
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
