Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
