i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
