I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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