you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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