Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
