he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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