please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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