Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
