there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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