Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
