Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
