I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
