It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
