Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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