I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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