I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
