I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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