put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
