I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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