Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
