Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
