The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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