Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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