why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
