i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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