dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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