I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize