We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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