dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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