She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
