True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
