I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
