So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
