I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I understand Curling. That high.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
