Hey man sorry I got all grabby
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
