I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
