do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
