Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
