apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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