He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
