Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
