think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize