Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
