I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize