considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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