Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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