The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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