I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
