Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize