NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
