hotel room ftw
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
