I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
