After last night, I could never be a politician.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
