But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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