I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize