Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
